In the moments after winning the 1996 AFL premiership, North Melbourne player Wayne Schwass was thinking about ending his life.
The image of Schwass with his arms raised in triumph after collecting his premiership medal was one of a happy and exuberant AFL premiership player.
But for Schwass, "this is what suicide looks like".
It was the greatest achievement of his sporting career, but he was broken.
"At that particular moment I was thinking about how I could end my life," Schwass told Victoria's mental health royal commission on Tuesday.
"I didn't think I had the capacity or the tools or other options to find a way through this incredibly insidious and invasive set of conditions."
Schwass hid his battle with depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder during his 15-year, 282-game career with North Melbourne and Sydney.
For 12 years after his depression diagnosis in 1993, only his wife and three medical professionals knew the truth.
"I lived in fear, paralysing fear for 12-and-a-half years about what would people say, what they would do, how they would react if they knew that I had mental health conditions."
He went public with his depression battle in 2006 and now advocates for mental health awareness.
Schwass said he grew up with the mentality that men who cried and showed emotion were weak, a narrative that was magnified once he started playing football.
"We were conditioned to be incredibly strong athletes, and I was one of those, but we were also conditioned to disconnect emotionally because of the association with weakness and a loss of respect."
Former trade minister Andrew Robb's battle with depression started early, when he was about 12.
"I called it my little black dog - it grew to a bigger black dog for the next 40 years," Mr Robb told the opening day of the royal commission's public hearings.
"I denied that I had a depressive condition even to myself for a long time."
The black dog became too much to handle in 2009, at a turbulent time for the Liberal opposition.
Mr Robb said he was approached about considering challenging for the party leadership.
"Often you only get one shot at these things. I was interested, but when I said 'I'll think about it', what I was thinking about was can I manage the responsibilities?"
Until that point, he had been able to cover up his daily morning battle with depression.
Mr Robb sought help, but ended up feeling deeply depressed on his medication.
It was only after an intense party room meeting about the party's stance on climate change - "if the floor had opened up I would have been really grateful" - that Mr Robb decided he had to confront the problem.
He took time off from cabinet and revealed he had depression.
Mr Robb said there was greater awareness about mental health issues now, but "we're still just scratching the surface".
Schwass said the word stigma was not strong enough to accurately describe the attitude towards mental health.
"It's discrimination, and it's the judgment, the criticism, the labelling, the ostracising, the marginalising. Mental health conditions are legitimate."
Commission chair Penny Armytage said the evidence was clear that doing more of the same would not be enough to fix a broken system.
"We have heard about people wanting to get help, to be told that they were not 'sick enough', even 'not suicidal enough', to receive care," she said.
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Australian Associated Press