When kids lash out: parents punched, pushed and abused

Eastlake Youth Centre manager Jenny Pilgrim said a growing number of families were “walking on eggshells” in their own homes, as children who she said did not know how to manage their feelings lashed out with physical, verbal and emotional violence.

“Families are just not coping with this increase in violent and aggressive behaviour,” Ms Pilgrim said.

One parent told the Newcastle Herald she had been punched in the face by her daughter, and on another occasion, choked while she was in bed.

“It’s your child and you feel like you’ve failed, so you hide it,” the mother said.

“I just felt so embarrassed and ashamed.”

Ms Pilgrim was seeing parents living “in fear of their children” about “when they are going to lash out again”.

“They’re feeling really frightened and don’t want their kids at home, they don’t feel safe with them there,” she said

Parents often asked what they had done wrong.

“They ask us ‘How have I raised a child like this?’” Ms Pilgrim said. “We have to remind them it’s not a failure on their part as parents.”

EYC and Drive Out Violence in Eastlakes (DOVE) have used a $12,500 grant from the St George Foundation on an intervention program for young people called Open The Box, in a bid to tackle the problem.

About 15 per cent of the centre’s 500 clients – or 75 children – were abusing their parents in some way, compared to “very, very rare” instances about 18 months ago.

“It’s not a huge number, but the fact we had a clear number was concerning to us,” she said. “We’ve had parents physically assaulted by their children, punched in the face, pushed down stairs.”

The NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research described Lake Macquarie domestic assault figures as stable, with 734 incidents in the year to March 2015 and 724 in the year to March 2016.

Adults in the local government area took out 10 apprehended domestic violence orders (ADVO) against juveniles between April 2013 and March 2014, 11 ADVO in the year to March 2015 and five in the year to March 2016.

But Ms Pilgrim said this only reflected the incidents where parents decided to report the assault and proceeded to apply for an ADVO.

She said 40 to 50 per cent of the court-related support her centre provided to young people and their families was related to interim ADVO, up from last year.

Open The Box helps students identify and take ownership of their emotions and behaviours through games, group discussions, videos and creative expression.  

“Sometimes they can react without thinking, but this is about getting them to realise they might just need to walk away and calm down,” she said.

Ms Pilgrim said EYC had delivered the program to year seven and eight students at Whitebridge and Swansea, where she said between 50 and 60 per cent of participants had experience with or knew someone who had been affected by an ADVO.

Whitebridge High relieving head teacher of wellbeing and special educator Natasha Pirini praised the program, saying the 130 year seven pupils and their teachers had found it engaging.

“Sometimes you don’t know what is happening at home and this was a great way to present this lesson to the whole year group – it wasn’t singling out people, everyone gets the same message,” she said.

“It’s wrong to assume they are getting this education at home.”

EYC is also taking registrations for the Open the Box for Parents program, which provides parents with a safe and confidential space to learn tools to cope with their experience, access support and improve their situation.

“Parents need to realise they’re not alone, it does happen,” Ms Pilgrim said.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed about and there is help out there for both the parent and the young person.

“People associate financial status with domestic violence, but it does not discriminate.

“Your suburb, your car, your job, your education make absolutely no difference.”